A Vote For Obama is a Vote For Civility

A Vote For Obama is a Vote For Civility


A Special Guest Commentary for Undecided Voters
by Those Two Smirking Hipster Assholes in 'Sarah Palin is a C---' t shirts



Hi undecided voters! Yes, we know what you're probably thinking: "hey, it's those two smirking hipster assholes in the 'Sarah Palin Is a C---' t shirts." We also realize that you probably find our brand of narcissistic street theater loathsome and tedious. In fact, we're pretty sure that after eight years of putting up with our shit, you're just about fed up with the screeching tantrums, and inane Bush-is-Hitler art installations, and incessant firehose of profane hate-vomit. Who wouldn't? No rational human being could be blamed for wanting us to just shut the fuck up, finish our bottled water, and go away. Luckily, there's an easy way you can make that happen: vote for Barack Obama.

Think about it. With Barack Obama in office, assholes like us will fade into a distant unpleasant memory. Don't get us wrong, we'll still be hanging around, probably as junior staffers in some federal arts agency. But you have our word on it -- we'll be practically invisible. No more C-word t shirts, no more intersection blockades, no more vandalism until the next election cycle. Nosirree, we'll be timid and well-behaved and quiet as church mice, working away on grant proposals. We think you will also be pleased to know that under Obama, negative news stories and the steady flow of shitty anti-American war movies will virtually disappear overnight.

We know what you're thinking -- "that sounds awesome, but what about the angry right wingers? Won't they suddenly start storming congressional hearings and vandalizing military recruiting stations? Won't they start producing Obama assassination fantasy plays at the local college?" Don't worry, as members of the incoming Administration, we will identify any potential troublemakers and prosecute them to the full extent of President Obama's new civility laws. And with the re-establishment of the Fairness Doctrine, you won't have to worry about accidentally tuning into right wing hate radio.

But it's a democracy, so by all means feel free to vote for McCain. But don't forget what we're capable of. Do you really think we'll give it a rest? Do you really think we've pegged our ugly-o-meter? Hey, friend-o, you ain't seen nothin' yet. With the kind of free time we've got, you'd be totally amazed at the kind of crap we can come up with. If you think the Bush stuff was disturbing, wait 'til you see our four year Palin Plan. It won't let up, because frankly, we enjoy this sort of thing. Dude, we get freakin' college credit for it. And it won't just be us -- it'll be the media, the blogs, Hollywood, that asshole at work who's always emailing you Bush monkey photoshops.

Do you really want that on your conscience? The choice is all up to you. Four more relentless 120-decibel years of us pelting Bristol and Trig with bags of feces -- or the sweet, intoxicating tranquility that awaits under an Obama Administration. We're sure you'll agree that a couple thou in new taxes is a small price for that kind of peace of mind. So remember when you go to the polls this November: a vote for Obama is a vote for civility.

And by the way, sorry for being such assholes. As the computer guys say: it's not a bug, it's a feature.

Marxism

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
Groucho Marx

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/g/groucho_marx.html

Bush Lauded by Nat'l Organization of Community Organizers

Bush praised? Is this real?

Groupthink :: View topic - Bush Lauded by Nat'l Organization of Community Organizers: "Bush Lauded by Nat'l Organization of Community Organizers
By Komissar Blogunov
9/9/2008, 1:45 pm

Yesterday the National Organization of Community Organizers bestowed its most prestigious award on George W Bush for outstanding work in the organization of communities in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"It's truly an honor to receive such a covetized award," the president said in a few brief remarks at the ceremony honoring his achievement, "but we cannot forget that this was made possible only through the work and dedication of our excellent military personnel." Progressives everywhere were on their feet, chanting Progress! Progress!, applauding, cheering, and waving American flags.
~

Wiping away tears, NOW president Kim Gandy said between sniffles, "When I think of what Bush has done in liberating women from the oppression of Sharia law, and how he has with the aid of our brave men in uniform opened up new worlds of opportunity for the women of Afghanistan, well, I just can't express in words how proud I am."

"Everybody knew Saddam Hussein was a murdering tyrant and a threat to world peace," said Massachusetts senator John Kerry while fellow senators Durbin, Reid, and Biden nodded emphatically in the background, "and I know I speak for my fellow senators when I say I applaud our president and our military for having the courage to stand up to Saddam and take him down. The world is definitely a safer place."

"He gets all the credit as far as I'm concerned," said former Weatherman William Ayers in a phone interview. "You know, he opened my mind to a new concept - the idea of using force to protect the innocent and to liberate the truly oppressed, as opposed to using force against the innocent and those who risk their lives to protect them. Really, it's time I started to give back to this country that has been so good to me. Brilliant, just brilliant!"

"He's the man!" exclaimed presidential hopeful Barack Obama, "the surge succeeded just like everybody knew it would. If you want to know what greatness looks like, look no farther than George W Bush. He is the king of community organizers, and only in my most audacious dreams could I hope to achieve half the good he has done."

"God bless America! It's in the Bible! God bless America!" shouted pastor Jeremiah Wright who later said he was carried away in his enthusiasm when he saw Bush receive the award from NOCO. "America is a force for good in this world. Who overthrew Saddam Hussein and the Taliban? America and George W Bush did! Who set up the provisional government in Iraq, gave the people the chance to vote on their own constitution, and oversaw the successful establishment of a new government over there? America and George W Bush did!" Reverend Wright then led the audience in a rousing rendition of God Bless America.

"Y'know, this is one of the best days of my presidency," said President Bush. "Laura and I are gonna treasure this memory, and this award will have a special place over our mantelpiece at Crawford." When asked what his plans were after stepping down from power in January, Bush said, "Me and the family're gonna get together with Cindy Sheehan who's moved into our neighborhood and invited all of us to a barbeque. After that, we'll just have to wait and see. I hear my old friend Vladimir Putin and Jimmy Carter gotta Habitat for Humanity project going on in Tbilisi, and they just might need a little organizing over there." "

Dutch Movie - the Dry Bones Blog

Since Bones is having trouble finding Fitna, I will appease him with my copy. Enjoy!



Dutch Movie - the Dry Bones Blog: "The Dutch movie 'Fitna' shows the Western world how its latest mortal enemy, extremist Islam, uses the Koran to preach and carry out terror attacks. Result? The film has been banned everywhere in the Western world! Including the Internet!!! Just try to find it online! It's a total surrender to terror. Appeasement based on fear!"

iowahawk: Obama Pix Hipster Prix to Reclick with Stix Hix

When the 'Hawk eventually retires, I might have to give up the Internet. where does he get this stuff?

Make sure you empty your bladder and have throughly wet your whistle before you read this. Accidents happen...


iowahawk: Obama Pix Hipster Prix to Reclick with Stix Hix: "'A lot of the plebe douchebags come in here full of swagger, thinking all it takes is a few hours of FM country music endurance training, and I have to tell them they have no idea what they're up against,' says Ethan Dodge, a Seattle conceptual theater set designer and veteran douchebag of Obama's Iowa caucus campaign. 'Believe me, I've been to Dubuque. I know.'

To toughen up the recruits for the task ahead, Dodge and other drill instructors take a direct approach.

'We tell them straight up: we aren't your mommy or daddy or your au pair. There aren't any independent lesbian film festivals in Youngstown, and just because Iowa has a lot of farmers it doesn't mean they are going to see a lot of Sunday chill-out farmers' markets,' says Voorhees. 'After that shock wears off, we tell them about how the natives drink Pabst unironically.'

'Sure, it scares some recruits off,' admits Dodge. 'But the ones who stay are much less likely to crack under the pressure of a two week isolation from American Apparel or Urban Outfitters.'"

iowahawk: Diplomatic Breakthru in Georgia: Red-Faced Russian Party Crashers Retreat

The Hawk takes on the Russians and wins! If you laugh at this snippet, go read the rest while sitting near the toilet so that it minimizes the mess you might make.

iowahawk: Diplomatic Breakthru in Georgia: Red-Faced Russian Party Crashers Retreat: "Bowing to a withering barrage of pointed criticisms and strongly-worded letters of reprimand from the international diplomatic community, an embarrassed Russian military today abandoned its attack on the former Soviet republic of Georgia late this afternoon and retreated sheepishly over the Caucasus.

'Look, I don't really know what to say - other than, 'hey, our bad,'' said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in an awkward, shoe-gazing statement to the United Nations. 'Seriously, dude, it just totally wasn't like us to lash out like that. We've been having a couple of bad decades, and I guess we just sort of snapped.'

According to Moscow newspaper Pravda, Lavrov and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin left several messages on the voice mail machine of Georgian president Mikheil Saakashvili offering apologies and help cleaning up the damage from the weekend invasion. Sources say an angry Saakashvili was in no mood for forgiveness.

'Haven't you done enough damage already?' asked a testy Saakashvili, according to a U.S. State Department official. 'Just get out. Come on dude, leave.'"

World War II Deception Story

Just too funny not to share. Have a great day!

Schneier on Security: World War II Deception Story: "Great security story from an obituary of former OSS agent Roger Hall:

One of his favorite OSS stories involved a colleague sent to occupied France to destroy a seemingly impenetrable German tank at a key crossroads. The French resistance found that grenades were no use.

The OSS man, fluent in German and dressed like a French peasant, walked up to the tank and yelled, 'Mail!'

The lid opened, and in went two grenades.

Hall's book about his OSS days, You're Stepping on My Cloak and Dagger, is a must read."

Obamamessiah rocking and rolling

Obamamessiah rocking and rolling straight into the sermon on the mount! Hilarious Satire from England! He ventured forth to bring light to the world | Pierre Legrand's Pink Flamingo Bar: "Obamamessiah rocking and rolling straight into the sermon on the mount! Hilarious Satire from England! He ventured forth to bring light to the world

Brilliant bit of satire that captures perfectly the idiocy the campaign of Obamamessiah. Naturally an Englishman wrote it.

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the

Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

He ventured forth to bring light to the world | Gerard Baker - Times Online6
"

Dirty Jobs for the Common Good™

Groupthink :: View topic - DNC: Dirty Jobs for the Common Good™: "The scandalous new cover of New Yorker Magazine, depicting Barack Obama dressed as a Muslim and his wife Michelle as a militant black supremacist, turns out to be nothing more than the first step in a bold new Democrat strategy of playing both hands while the opponent simply watches, stated Earnest Trutok, Assistant Deputy Undersecretary of Media Relations in the Obama Camp. "We have prepared a large pile of dirty and revolting images that show Barack and his family in a much worse light than this," Trutok added, admitting that the forthcoming cartoon is jarringly out-of-place in the traditionally progressive New Yorker. "We have no choice but to run them ourselves in the friendly media due the refusal of the Republican Party to play its proper role in the final months of the campaign," Trutok stated.
~

Race-baiting is ugly when the Republicans do it. But when it can advance progress, it's OK.
"Our entire strategy was based on the predictable Republican race-baiting and Islamophobia, that's why we chose Obama over Hillary," explained Trutok. "She was only a white woman, but Barack's color and Muslim roots were a double whammy and a total shoe-in! And we were exactly right, except the Republicans have refused to play bigots.

"Therefore, we must not only brilliantly defend the integrity of our candidate, but also stage vicious attacks against him that would prove to the American Public that the Republicans are nothing more than racists and alarmists. The average voter will merely assume that such attacks are coming from the McCain camp," Trutok said.

"Our most potent weapon in this election is the continued victim status of our candidate," agrees Allyce Safir-Simpson, Senior Poll Analyst for the Obama campaign.

"We noticed a sharp downturn in poll numbers whenever Barack took any concrete position," she explained, referring to a dilemma that has dogged Sen. Obama since the early days of the campaign. "Our main point has always been Hope and Change, but it can get uncomfortable when some busybody asks what we actually mean by this. However, we notice a jump in the Senator's poll numbers every time we manufacture an incident that seems to imply that he is the victim of some form of hate crime." "

The Irish wonder why we are even voting

BLACKFIVE: The Irish wonder why we are even voting: "An email from Ireland to the brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:



'We, in Ireland , can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States .



On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.



Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate Mc terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.



What in Lords name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies??"

IMAO: Dumb Doctors

This is too good to miss! Even if it was in the comments section of another post.

IMAO: Dumb Doctors: "DOCTORS SAY: "BREAD IS DANGEROUS"


Research on bread indicates that

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Posted by: heldmyw"

Showing Solidarity with Obama

When I think about Obama becoming President, I get physically sick with worry. Frank J seems to have a piece on the O'Zombies that, while written tongue in cheek, seems to have a LOT of truth to it. Frank J is good at doing that! Thanks Frank.

IMAO: Showing Solidarity with Obama: "Obama supporters are starting to get Ronulan weird: Some of them are legally changing their middle names to Hussein to show solidarity with Changey McHoperson. If his cultish supporters want to show solidarity where they think Obama may be attacked, here are a few other suggestions:

WAYS TO SHOW SOLIDARITY WITH OBAMA

* When important family matters needs your decision, vote "present."

* If you're ever caught in a lie, blame those most devoted to you for the error.

* Never do anything significant and demand a huge promotion at work.

* Whenever anything goes wrong, immediately throw one of your friends or family members under the minivan.

* Look down on others despite being a completely worthless person yourself.

* Hang out with racists and other scumbags until challenged on it and then claim ignorance of the controversy.

* Send your friends to attack the military service of opponents.

* Insult people with real principles behind their backs.

* Change your positions daily to what seems most popular at the time. Back this up by generally making mealy-mouthed, non-statements about important issues.

* Marry someone angry and bitter who takes all of her blessing for granted.

* Talk in general bromides, and never back it up with any actions.

* Hint to your dislike of the country, but get really bitchy if it's brought up.

* Just generally be a sniveling coward."

World's Evilest Thugs Shocked as GOP Takes Hell Hot Spot

Comrade Durbin is a moron. Why is he allowed to spew hate speech like this when he should be in Cuba causing trouble? Or Belarus? Or someplace besides the US???

Groupthink :: View topic - World's Evilest Thugs Shocked as GOP Takes Hell Hot Spot: "(Dante's Inferno, 7th Level) - Senator Dick Durbin's (D-IL) comment 'The hottest ring in Hell is reserved for those in politics who attack their opponents' families' made to NBC's Norah O'Donnell has sent shockwaves to evil thugs around the world, who thought they were a shoe-in for the top hot spot in the eternal pit of damnation and hellfire. An assortment of Nazis, Communists, terrorists, and other violent and sadistic figures were found consoling each other shortly after Durbin's official announcement.
~


This is not the first Durbin's statement that has had international thugs peeved. In 2006 he also compared Nazis and Communists to the US troops, dashing the hopes of many in the US Armed Forces, who naively believed that liberating Iraq and pacifying the Middle East would put them in the top spot. And now he denied them even the hottest ring of Hell.

'I was really looking forward to the hottest ring of hell, which has got to be a lot cooler than Falujah,' said Pfc. Smith who is serving his third tour in Iraq. 'But since the place has been reserved for Obama's critics I guess I'll have to wait 'til Halliburton gets into the air conditioning business, or maybe I'll just borrow Joe Stalin's sweater.'
'I really thought we had the hottest spot locked up after star"

oomsa | my world for your entertainment

This is a cool link with some fun pictures. Nothing too dirty, but there is a picture of the Clintons that is a little off color. Of course, that is just natural! Go have some fun with it.

oomsa | my world for your entertainment

The Navy Invented Sex

No comment needed! HAHA!

Military Jokes
Military Humor: "The Navy Invented Sex

A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of Midway.

'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'

The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'

The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says...... 'The Navy invented sex!'

The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women.'"

The Smallest Minority

A fun site that is new to me. Thanks to the Jawa for pointing it out!
I love the bumper sticker, too. I might have to buy a few.

The Smallest Minority

Allergic to WiFi?

Can't argue with this!

UserFriendly.Org

iowahawk: Dear Barry

'Dear Barry' is always finding ways to help people. What a wonderful guy!

iowahawk: Dear Barry: "Dear Barry:

I love my wife, but frankly sometimes 'Michelle' doesn't have the greatest social graces. I am a VP at a large industrial corporation and in line for a major promotion, so last weekend I invited the CEO and his wife to our house for dinner and cocktails. I was worried that Michelle might cause a scene, so before hand I reminded her over and over again how important it was that she make a good impression. When they showed up at the house, right after introductions, my CEO said, 'you must be very proud of your husband.' So Michelle says, 'and you must be very embarrassed it took you stupid assholes four years to offer us a promotion.'

And that was just the first uncomfortable silence. When Maria (our housemaid) was serving the salad course, she accidentally dropped a plate and Michelle started screaming at her. Then she looked at my boss and said, 'sorry, it's impossible to hire anybody but idiots on the lousy $400,000 salary you cheap bastards pay us.' Throughout dinner Michelle continued hectoring my boss about how screwed up my company is, and too obsessed with profits, and how she and I were going to fix all that, and why everyone probably should all drop out of the corporate world and become artists. To top it all off, during dessert she brought out her black velvet paintings of Che Guevara.

Anyway, this week at work my CEO hasn't returned any of my emails or phone messages. What should I do to get back on the career ladder?

Mortified in Lake Forest

Dear Mortified:

First off, you need to stop treating "Michelle" as a liability. In fact, thanks to a little thing called the Americans With Disabilities Act, she could be your "ace in the hole"! Fire off an email to your CEO announcing that "Michelle" is diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, and if you get passed over for the promotion he will be looking down the barrel of a fat federal civil rights lawsuit. After you move up to that corner office, you can say thanks to "Michelle" by appointing her head of the corporate diversity outreach department. "

The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products

I was bouncing through links and found this interesting site. Ever wonder what else Mr Coyote had ordered? Here is the complete list! Complete with episode that it was used in. Go reminisce and laugh.

The ORIGINAL Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products: "ACME Safe Co.
salvage, steel, & pipe ACME Salvage, Steel, & Pipe
school of boxing ACME School Of Boxing
school of mouse catching ACME School Of Mouse Catching
school of self defense ACME School Of Self Defense
shopping center ACME Shopping Center
smokescreen bomb ACME Smokescreen Bomb
spikes ACME Spikes"

Volcano Releases One Trillion Cow Farts Into Atmosphere

The Cubists have been busy lately. The latest is yet another piece of perfection!

Groupthink :: View topic - Volcano Releases One Trillion Cow Farts Into Atmosphere: "On May 2, Chile's Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored climate change study revealed. 'In just one day, this volcano set the Kyoto Protocol back 15 years, obliterating the otherwise outstanding success of our multi-billion dollar efforts to curb the release of cow farts into the atmosphere,' complained Chairman of Intergovernmental Panel on Cow Farts (IPCF) Rajendra K. Pachauri at an emergency conference at Grand Plaza Hotel in New York yesterday. 'Therefore, we demand that this eruption be considered unscientific and thus disqualified from inclusion into climate change models. Need I mention that it wasn't sanctioned by the the United Nations?'"